Don't blink. Just run.

Where training meets fandom. And everything in between.

I’m Still Here

on November 24, 2014

Contrary to popular belief, I have not been abducted by aliens. What I have been dealing with is a lot less fun. You see, I’ve talked about my anxiety before, but not much about my depression. I feel like, who wants to read that stuff. I figure people just want to hear about the fun races and events I’ve done, how training is going for any given thing or about one of the many fandoms I love. Then I think to myself, this is my blog. I can write what I want and if people want to read it, they will. If they don’t, well, at least it’s been purged from my brain.

So what’s been going on with me? Well, I’m trying to focus on feeling better. I’d be lost without Tara and “the girls”. They are my support system x 1000%. They get me out of the house, out of my head, distract me and whatever they can do to help me. I’ve had a few events lately, which I’ll throw some pictures of below, but haven’t felt much like being around the blogging world right now. I’ve started seeing a new therapist and once I start feeling a bit better, maybe I’ll be back much more often. For now, I might try to just aim for my Friday posts (which I haven’t even done). Baby steps.

Before I share some of my events, I wanted to share two videos. The first, I heard about through a running blogger I follow. It’s worth the 8 minutes to watch because he describes what I’m feeling almost perfectly. The second video is a song I recently heard shuffling through Spotify and it has almost perfect lyrics for me right now.

 

 

 

The last post I did was about my event on 11/8, which was Carry The Fallen. That is still such an amazing thing to me and I can’t wait to do the next one in March. A few days later, the girls and I got together for a Paint Night. For $35, we got to do a painting of Starry Night – my all time favorite. It included all the supplies we needed, plus two drinks.

 

 

A few days later was an event I had waited all year for – the Spartan Stadium Sprint in Fenway Park! I didn’t get to run with my girls, but I had a great team of Battle Buddies to run with from the Spahtens team. We got to run on the Green Monster, though the visitors clubhouse and dugout and around the warning track in the outfield. It was an amazing experience but pretty nerve wracking because of how many people were jammed into the park throughout the day. Did I mention it was flippin’ freezing that day??

 

No biggie – just the top of the Green Monster!

 

This past weekend, Tara and I and a couple of friends signed up to volunteer at Operation Holiday Cheer. It’s run by the Lt. Governor in RI and is a two day event taking in donations to send to RI troops overseas and then packaging and shipping them the following day. We signed up to take in the donations on Saturday, which would have been from 9-1, but we ended up leaving around 12:15-12:30. The donations were slow this year, sadly. Tara and I have done this before and the last time we did the bins were overflowing with donations. While there were plenty of people that volunteered to help, there just wasn’t enough coming in for everyone to stay, which is why a lot of people left early.

 

 

And finally, I have some new ink I wanted to share. I had pinned this quote on Pinterest months and months ago because I really liked it. I feel like it suits me between what it means and my love of the ocean. I felt like now was just the right time to get it done so I finally pulled the trigger. It’s my Christmas present from Tara.

 

 

I hope everyone is doing well. Stay tuned – same bat-time, same bat-channel.

 

 

 

 

 

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17 responses to “I’m Still Here

  1. Take all the time you need….my husband suffers from extreme anxiety, and every day can be a challenge. My thoughts are with you and Tara❤️ Take care of yourself!
    Congrats on Spartan!! It looked fun but it was awfully cold that day!

  2. piratebobcat says:

    Hope you feel better!!! Love all the pics and headbands. Love the tat. Congrats on the race!

  3. My heart goes out to you!! **hugs** press on 🙂 LOVE the tat!!

  4. Well, maybe its just me, but I really appreciate hearing about what’s going on with you, the tough stuff as well as the triumphs, and you never know who might be out there reading who might be encouraged to seek help with something similar, or feel less alone. So yay for you for being open and honest!

    And for me, I find when I write about personal stuff, it really does help me process. Thinking it to myself in my head just doesn’t do the same thing.

    Hope you feel better soon!

    • Courtney says:

      Thank you. I think the writing does help and I’d like to try to get back into it. I think I just need a few more sessions under my belt and get a little calmer before I worry about the blog. I’m on vacation this week so I figured it was a good time to relax and post an update.

  5. d20girl says:

    I love the tattoo and I think it represents life well. I have suffered with depression and anxiety on and off since high school and I need to pull back from my interactions from time to time as well. This is your space, you own it. Write as much or as little as you please and about whatever you want. I love your pics and you’ve accomplished so much this year! ❤

  6. I watched that Rob Krar movie at a trail running festival last night – and it was really insightful and moving. This is your space – so feel free to share whatever you need to get off your chest. I hope you start to feel better soon. Take care of yourself.

  7. DarlinRae says:

    Depression and anxiety run rampant in my family. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but I’m so, so glad you have a good support system. I hope you’re feeling better soon! Also, I absolutely love your new ink 🙂

  8. Love the new tattoo and so sorry that you are having a tough time right now, thinking of you.

  9. Liv @ Healthy Liv says:

    I found your blog through another blog and have just started reading, but I love that song from Tenth Avenue North, too! It’s so encouraging and can meet you right where you are 🙂

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