My friend posted this on Facebook the other day and got me thinking about writing this post: “If you compete with everyone else, you will become bitter. If you compete with a previous version of yourself, you will become better. It’s as simple as that.”
Now, I don’t know where she found this quote, or who said it, but the timing couldn’t have been any better. I’ve always had a problem with comparing myself to other people. I know this, it’s obvious, yet I can’t seem to flip that switch in my head. I get incredibly upset during group classes of any type when I can’t do something that seems so simple for others. Or during a race when all these people are just hopping and skipping along and I’m huffing and puffing and dying. Yes, I’m leaps and bounds more fit than I was before, but frustrated at the same time.
I enjoy my running alone time because I only compete with myself. Or my watch, depending on the day. I don’t have anyone else around to worry about getting me into that mindset, not that it’s their fault. Maybe that’s why I’ve shied away from taking too many classes, although finances do play a part and I try to conserve my class cards. I’m frustrated with even my own progress, never mind everyone else there.
What’s really put me in a funk lately is that Tara came to Unleashed for the first time with me on the 14th for an OCF class. She made it over the wall. The same 6 ft wall I’ve been trying to get over since January. Her first class. I was SO incredibly happy for her, so amazingly proud of her, but in my head I wanted to quit the class right then and there and go home. Let’s not forget, my coworker Tom came to that same class for the first time and also made it over the wall. And the countless classes I’ve taken with newbies in their first attempt getting over that wall. It’s like my own personal hell whenever I take that class.
I don’t want to feel this way. I know it’s stupid. I feel ridiculous even writing this, but maybe it will help me sort through some things. I really don’t like my brain sometimes.